Joshua Stern

Special Section from my At-Risk Youth Guid

2012-02-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

I wanted to put a special section of my new book entitled "At-Risk Youth; Awareness, Prevention, Change". I am hoping to illicit several comments and thought provoking topics for discussion. I believe in order to initiate change you have to be prepared to go against some common practices and ideals in order to try new ones.

Please let me know what you think!

Causes & Indicators of Being At-Risk

As opposed to outlining what we believe to be typical teenage behaviour, we wanted to outline several of the “signs” via actual examples and hopefully that will help shed light on how and why they are important to keep an eye on. We already have our large list of “warning signs” that we highlighted in the first section, so we chose an alternate tool, which we believe, is a far more meaningful method for expanding awareness. As I said earlier, if we can accept that especially during these times with media, television, radio, Internet, and of course social media being what they are, most kids these days are all at-risk, than already we have begun to turn the tides.

It’s up to us as parents, our community, teachers and educators, and friends and family, to provide positive experiences and support for our kids. Above all else we must communicate frequently, and ensure that we never make light of anything they share. We should encourage their participation at any level, and let them know that we have all been there before. Making a youth feel different or special is one of the hardest obstacles for them to overcome, but making them understand why they are different or special is a much more manageable exercise.

I’d like to begin by sharing a story about a family I know. The mother is a very successful lawyer, the father stays home, and they have a live-in nanny. They live in a million dollar home in a great neighbourhood, drive expensive cars, and well you get the picture. They have two sons aged 9 and 7, and the 7 year old is already showing signs of anxiety. I’m not saying there aren’t situations where a young child could justly be anxious, but given the description of this family, you wouldn’t typically hear about them when it comes to at-risk children. Regardless, they have a son who vomits on the regular due to nervousness and stress, loses sleep regularly, is extremely afraid, he takes everything to heart, and he has seen several stomach specialists already. Does it mean that he is different, or mentally ill? I don’t believe so, but many people already want to have a slew of tests done, they have mentioned the possibility of medication, and the whispers of “what is wrong” with him, have already surfaced. The main reason it has even got this far is because the parents are not ready to accept responsibility. When I talked with the parents they both tried to blow it off as normal childhood behaviour, and they were completely oblivious to the possibility that they could be partially to blame. It’s not like many families have a fighting chance these days. The mother works a lot and isn’t around enough, the father himself is a little neurotic, and it seems to be rubbing off on the son. As a couple they don’t get along that well and they both acknowledged not always speaking to and treating each other with respect. The son told me that he is often brushed aside and his feelings are not validated. This is what we need to avoid because it can lead to isolation. If it’s difficult enough for us as adults to figure out who we are and what we are doing, imagine what it must be like for today’s youth.

The images and stories that our children are exposed to via the media on a regular basis are almost comparable to the adult military experiments done on soldiers with LSD attempting to create a super soldier. Think about that for a moment, today’s youth are taking in such intense images of violence, sex, death, crime, etc., that it is the same as giving an adult the most powerful hallucinogenic and forcing them to watch extreme images in order to desensitize them! Is that what we are aiming for, a society of desensitized youth? Well guess what, we are already there and it’s a very disturbing scene.

A lack of communication is all that has to take place for a child to become at-risk. It’s that simple. We would naturally tend to believe that a single parent family with low income would lead to at-risk children. While it is definitely a contributing factor, it once again comes down to communication, discipline, structure, extended family, etc. and the challenges they face can be offset dramatically when these elements are present. It’s far more convenient for us to believe that lack of money, single parent, and a less than desirable neighbourhood are the reasons behind children struggling, that way any time it happens to the opposite of all those items, it becomes a huge shock to the system. Why else do you think there are so many youths on prescription drugs? Do you think those families that struggle with money can afford to put their kids on such pills? Do you hear about teenagers from those types of families committing suicide over bullying? I’m trying to get us to think outside the box, go beyond the norm, and to not just accept generic solutions for anything or anyone.

Another scenario I’d like to share with you is about a 12 year old boy I recently met. His grades had been declining and he started getting into trouble. It all came to a head when his parents caught him drinking alcohol he had sneaked from their cabinet. His parents were very scared and angered and they were desperate for answers. After a few sessions with a psychiatrist the boy was put on prescription drugs to control his attention deficit disorder. By the time I met him he had been on pills for about 3 months and he was very depressed. He talked about feeling worthless, and like a reject, because he had to be on pills to “live life”. The worst part for him, as he described it, was that he didn’t believe he needed the pills, and his opinion never mattered. A phenomenon he also described as being part of the reason that got him in his grade decline predicament in the first place. He described being uncomfortable at school with his appearance, and other kids were harassing him, but his parents and teachers didn’t seem to care. As he says it, “they told me (his parents) that it was all a normal part of growing up.” That is the problem, however normal we think something is, has absolutely nothing to do with how the individual interprets it. When we behave as if our perception is the only one that matters, we leave that person feeling inadequate or ashamed because we made light of something that was very serious to them.

When we do that with a child, the outcome can be extremely poor. So what is the actual event that led this child to becoming at-risk? Was it the kids that were teasing him at school, was it his insecurity about his appearance, or was it that he was ignored when he tried discussing it, and by the time he took matters into his own hands by drinking alcohol to numb the pain, he was deemed a “troubled youth”? I want to take this scenario one step further. In the media currently there is a huge buzz about bullying, and all the emphasis is being put on the individual committing the “hate crime”, as some celebrities and other media moguls have labelled it, but why aren’t we talking about what that bully must be dealing with that leads to such behaviour!? Should we as a society not be concerned when a 10-16 year old is acting with such blatant disregard for others? Clearly this individual is missing a few of the basics, and what do we want to do with this individual, we want to have them expelled from school and treated like criminals. Do we really believe that will help the situation? If we want change we have to initiate it, and the only way to initiate that change is to at the very least be aware of all the variables. Could you imagine if a Medical Professional attempted to diagnose you without asking about the symptoms, or checking all your vitals? We cannot ignore what is going on in a bully’s life outside of the school setting, which in turn will solve nothing.

The last example I want to share with you about how easy it is for any youth to end up at-risk is actually about a close friend I grew up with. This particular individual is now in his mid 30’s and he’s married with 2 kids of his own. I even asked him recently if he would take part in this book, do public speaking engagements with me, and basically I asked him if he’d be willing to share his story for others. Unfortunately due to the emotional toll his youth took on him; he declined other than to allow me to share his story with no names involved. I only added that last part so that we as a society could accurately understand just how serious growing up at-risk can be, and just how much damage it could cause. My friend minced no words when it came to describing how much of a prisoner he still was to these feelings, and how falling through the cracks during his early teens led to years and years of bad relationships, poor decisions, financial woes, and a life he would never have chosen for anyone to lead. If all of that wasn’t evidence enough, he took his wife and 2 children and moved far away from all the memories he once had.

Getting back to his particular story, he was 11 or 12 years old when his whole world was turned upside down. He came from a successful family and money was definitely not an issue, but unfortunately money can’t solve most problems. His mother had an affair with the father’s best friend and business partner, and when all the dust had settled, my friend and his younger sister stayed with the mother and her new boyfriend, while the father moved out. The new couple was wed quickly and a new child was on the way. To say that my friend, the oldest, was negatively affected by everything would be the understatement of the year. He began acting out in every way imaginable, and the new male role model in his house did not have the patience or love to deal with the challenges his romance had caused. To make matters worse, his father was never a very good role model, he was a workaholic and he believed as long as he provided money and stability that he had done his job. After he moved out, any issue he had with his son he would solve by throwing money at him. By 15 years of age he had been kicked out of school, was abusing drugs & alcohol, and he had began a life of crime. The worst part was he had zero respect for people or money. He grew up believing that his family felt things were best when he was “out of sight, out of mind”. The only time his parents would get involved was when they had to bail him out. By the time this individual was 19 he had been arrested several times, and he headed to California to try his fortunes. Unfortunately he ended up involved in several criminal enterprises, and the worst part he describes is that due to his lack of respect for money and how to earn it properly, when times got tough he was forced into pornography and sexual acts just to keep his head above water. He now takes a few different pills everyday to “get by”, as he describes it, but all in all he is still suffering, still embarrassed, and in my mind, still susceptible to all that plagued him in the past.

I chose to illustrate these three examples for a specific reason. Contrary to popular belief, these specific cases are a lot closer to the current average at-risk youth than the description we seem to be continuously force-fed of a young ethnic person living in squalor with one parent who is strung out on drugs or an alcoholic stripper. My apologies for being blunt, but is that not one of the first thoughts that pop into your mind when thinking of an at-risk youth!?

When specifically looking for causes and early indicators of being at-risk, I would like to propose the following. I attest that if you are a “hands on parent”, and your main focus is to ensure your child is as successful as they can be, then my answer is quite simple. You will most likely notice any changes in your child’s behaviour. Being the father of a young boy, and I’d like to consider myself extremely “hands on”, I would find it almost impossible for me to not notice a change in his demeanour. Whether it’s a change in his mood, aggression, happiness, isolation, eating habits, etc., I would know, and I suggest if you are the same as me, you would too. I’m not trying to point a finger at parents that are extremely short on time, energy, or patience due to issues in their own lives, but what I am saying is that our attitude needs to change when it comes to having and raising children. If we can’t blame ourselves as adults for what happens to our youth, than who else should we blame? If you are going to have a child you must be prepared to do whatever is necessary to help that child traverse through the incredibly tough journey from infant to adult. I truly believe if we as parents, educators, and community, can come together and work as a team, we can significantly reduce this problem.

I’d like to make clear that we believe a child who is, or becomes, at-risk, is the result of a lack of parenting, guidance, nurturing, communication, and support. It’s funny that if you dissect nurturing, guidance, communication, and support, aren’t those just the main components of being a good parent? It is our job and responsibility that even if as parents we become overwhelmed, and at our wits end, we must find alternative resources and groups to assist us. We must never give up, and we must never stop believing that we alone can make the biggest difference in these individuals’ lives.

Please take the time to comment in anyway, it is always valuable to receive feedback, negative or positive.

My Apologies

2012-02-10T06:32:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a moment and apologize for the lack of entries to my blog lately. I have been extremely busy being a stay at home dad, setting up 3 programs for at-risk youth at 3 different youth organizations, continuing my writing, preparing submissions for an upcoming writing contest, and trying to be a good partner to my wife. I know its not a good excuse, but it is honest.

I will blog again later today or tomorrow morning, but through twitter I have been meeting some incredible people. One person specifically is Sue Scheff, and I wanted to share a blog post of hers from Feb. 3/2012 as I found it to be exceptional.

http://suescheffblog.com/2012/02/teen-angry-reasons-it-can-escalate/

Please leave comments and let me know your thoughts. We have to continue striving to spread awareness about the at-risk youth phenomenon. I have one main question that I'd like you to think about and comment on. I want to say that a child brought up around violence and other horrors, but has received constant guidance, and explanations for the world that they are in, will not be nearly as at-risk as an individual who was raised in the same environment, but received no support or guidance. What are your thoughts?

Introduction to At-Risk Youth Book

2012-01-19T07:10:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share the introduction to my next work which is loosely titled, "At-Risk Youth; Awareness, Prevention, Change". Please let me know your thoughts, comments, and feedback! Thank you as always!

"A funny thing happened as I began seeking representation for my first completed manuscript. My path took a hard right turn and instead of desperately trying to get my work published, I began working with at-risk youth, as it is a major theme from within my book. We began working with a couple of shelters and after seeing how enormous & truly tragic this problem is, we were moved to delve deeper into this very serious issue that needs to be addressed. On a personal level I am compelled to ensure that kids can avoid the struggles that affected my ability to grow successfully and just how difficult it truly made my life. Seeing the sheer number of kids that are in danger was enough for me to decide I could not turn a blind eye. At-Risk Youth is a term that is probably one of the most misinterpreted ones I can think of. Outside of being an At-Risk Youth survivor, as we like to call them, and literally being surrounded by them in my personal, business, and family life, we spent countless hours researching statistics, interviewing professionals in this field, and gathering as much information as possible. Our goal is simple; Create more awareness, provide prevention, and encourage change!"

Latest Article is Live

2012-01-08T12:11:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to take a qucik second and let you all know that my latest article titled "Turning My Life Around", is live at the following link!

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1716339/jewish/Turning-My-Life-Around.htm

Please have a read, leave comments, and pass it along as you deem fit.

Thank you for all the continued support.

On to the next One!!

2012-01-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

As another year comes to an end and we prepare for 2012, I first wanted to take a quick moment and wish each and everyone out there a Happy and Healthy New Year!! If I had one wish it would be for people to take an extra moment and realize what is truly important to them, and to try and focus on being satisfied. I say satisfied, instead of happy, because one thing I truly believe is that if we all stopped trying to achieve something that is unattainable, or possibly even fictitious, maybe we'd actually stand a chance at achieving our goals for the new year.

For my family and I we faced several challenges this past year but at the end of the day we are all still standing, and my guess is that we are all stronger for having weathered our own individual storms. Personally I am very excited about 2012 and all the new lessons and adventures I will experience. I am putting the final touches on my At-Risk Youth book, I have decided to hold off on the publishing of "A Mother's Love", my memoir, in exchange for a couple of fictional pieces I want to put out first. The amazing part is that regardless what the final outcome is for "A Mother's Love", just the simple fact that I wrote it had tremendous positive effects on many aspects of my life. I was freed from several personal "skeletons" that were holding me back, I improved relationships that were important to me, and I removed myself from relationships that hindered me. All in all it there were some major changes and metamorphosis this past year, almost like I have emerged from my cocoon as a totally new life form.

This last event I want to share may have a few of you scratching your heads as you try to understand why I included it in this specific blog, but I assure you the connection is there. As I may have mentioned in past blogs my son, who is now a few months shy of 4 and a 1/2, is an incredible individual. He talks and behaves like a 10 year old and his vocabulary stuns us all. He has shared many stories with us about god, his past life in Africa, and how he and we arrived on this earth. The other day he was talking to my wife and I, and he once again stunned us. He turned to his mother and told her that his grandfather had killed a man and took over his land and property many years ago. The strange part is that my father in law did inherit a piece of land and property from an older man who had died over 10 years ago, and we had never spoken of this story to our son. When my wife told her mom about what happened, her mother was shocked. She told us the real story was that this man was suffering from terminal cancer and he refused all treatments and hospital visits. As a result he asked my wife's father if he would "put an old man out of his misery". He refused, and within a few months the cancer took the elderly man. My main thoughts are how was my son cognisant of this event, how was he able to articulate it so well, and what does it all mean? I'll tell you what it means, absolutely nothing!! It's a cool story, and it sends a shiver up my back, but anything other than chalking it up as a really awesome experience, anything else would be a waste of time and energy!

Continue striving for greatness, and continue your quest for excellence! It is within us all to do these amazing things and to always believe we are capable! The next time you are unsure of how unbelievable we all are, just open your eyes to the amazing marvels of the world and how many of them we created!!

Have a wonderfully productive 2012!!!!

Let's play Santa Claus

2011-12-20T12:59:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

After a recent visit to Choices Youth Shelter in Orangeville, Ontario(www.youthchoices.org), it became clear what I had to do! They have 20 kids living with them this holiday season, 14 boys and 6 girls, and I want to ensure that they get to enjoy The holidays however possible. I was presented with a wish list and after only 12 hours the support has been amazing. I believe we are going to get every item on the list, and then some! Here is the list, and anything anyone can do to help would be amazing! Even just forwarding this blog is helpful, trust me on that.

The list is as follows:

Food Gift Cards- e.g, Tim Hortons Cards, McDonalds, Montana's, etc

XL Hoodies

Peanut Butter

Video Games (Original Wii or XBox)

Long Distance Phone Cards

Store Gift Cards- Walmart, Zellers, Sears, The Source, etc.

Colouring Pages

Art Supplies

Music Gift Cards- HMV, Walmart, Zellers

Movies-DVD's

Movie Passes- Cineplex, AMC, Famous Players

Writing Journals

Handheld Electronics

Winter boots size 10-12 mens

Thank you in advance for anything you can do! I can be reached directly at joshua@joshuastern.ca

Why do we hurt the people we love?

2011-12-19T05:10:00.000-08:00

I have been going through a whirlwind of emotions lately as my professional life and my personal life are so closely intertwined that I feel I'm on a collision course of catastrophic magnitude. I strive for greatness, I want to provide a good life for my family, I want to help others, and most of all I just want to smile a little more. Throughout the last 10 months as this latest chapter of my life began I don't think I ever fully prepared for what the outcome would or could be.

When I began writing my life story it was first therapeutic, and secondly in hopes that I could get the work published, and with the proceeds and the underlying theme's, help many others that struggle as I do. What has actually happened has kind of got me reeling. While the professional side of my work seems to be moving along rather well, the personal side is not. I have work with 2 different youth shelters starting in January, I am becoming the spokesperson for a third organization, and I am working on an At-Risk Youth Handbook if you will, as well as establishing some After school programs for these kids. It's been an awesome personal high, but almost like Rudyard Kipling says in his poem "If", when one side is high, the other will be low, and if we can stare these two imposter's right in the face and treat them exactly the same, then you may "get it".

My family has not taken very kindly to the initial story, even though none of them have read it, or even inquired what it is about, and it has taken a major toll on myself, my wife, my father, and my brother, just to mention a few. Why is it that it's so difficult for us as individuals to accept that if we say and do things guided by best intentions and positivity, that the person we are talking too doesn't have the same intentions!? I believe fear and lack of communication leave us with too many questions to answer for ourselves, and when that begins to occur, you as an individual are in trouble. I mean for you personally it may work out, but if you are trying to live a life where you are close with several others, you may have to learn that sometimes your own thoughts, are not the only ones to be considered, and some times being right is wrong. For if two people can see the same scenario totally different, how could they ever have resolution. I believe that it no longer becomes about the particular scenario and it becomes more about those two individuals and which is more important, to be "right", or to be able to call that person a close friend. Sometimes we must put aside our own thoughts and wishes IF we believe that the individual is worth it. It seems somewhat crazy to me, but it's true. In order to have friends and confidants, we must find ways to ignore the way we think as individuals, and try harder to understand what it's like to think as the majority would.

At the end of the day it is a very difficult thing to weave your way through this interesting thing we call life, and I guess it all comes down to who you are and what you want, but remember this one thing. To me, if you really want to have personal success, you must learn to find your inner voice, and let this be your one true guide. Yes you will have many people that tell you you're selfish or blind, or what have you, but on the other side of that coin you will find many who respect you, honor you, and do everything in their power to assist you even though your visions are not theirs.

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on the subject so please leave them here or you can email me directly at joshua@joshuastern.ca.

A Moment of Destiny??

2011-12-13T19:36:00.000-08:00

Today I had one of the more peculiar and incredible experiences of my life. On a journey that had begun over a month ago, I was trying to find out more about the Ba hai faith, a religion that my brother in law is a believer in. For the holidays I wanted to make a donation in his name but I was surprised to learn that they only accept donations from Ba hai members. I had also been given a list of books he wanted for Christmas , so I inquired. I was directed to a distribution center in Scarborough, Ontario where I met a delightfully pleasant woman by the name of Soosan. After briefly explaining what I was doing there she quickly helped me find what I was looking for. As she was preparing my invoice we started chatting and before I knew it she stood up, removed her glasses, and stared me dead in the eyes. With the softest smile and voice she said, "I have a lot of intuition, and may I just tell you that you are someone special?" Obviously I was a little stunned and taken back, but I thanked her and asked her what she meant. "You have special purpose here and you are going to achieve everything!" I must have been pale as a ghost at this point because I couldn't help but think how random and crazy this was, yet at the same time it felt so normal and right. She told me I had been touched by god and before I went to leave, with a tear in her eye, she asked me if she could hug me. Flattered, I told her "of course you can, if more people hugged randomly like this we'd all be in a better place!" With that she thanked me for coming in, smiled and we said goodbye. I walked out feeling like I was on top of the world and for whatever its worth, Soosan, if you read this, thank you very much for your kind words, if nothing else they have provided me with even more motivation to complete my quest!

Thinking out loud!

2011-11-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on a one of the current events in my life. I am very excited to say that the work on the At-Risk Youth Guide we are doing is truly fufuling. I have uncovered so many of my own locked away secrets just by putting pen to paper in an attempt to help others who struggle as I did and still do at times. It is amazing to me that with all the news about bullying, teen suicide, and teen drug and alcohol use, that more is not being done to offset this phenomenon! As opposed to focusing on all three as separate entities, I suggest that if we merely focus on what leads to all these kids being at risk, then we can figure out how they are becoming at-risk, and then what we can do to change it! I'm quite sure that we can all agree that a bully or victim of bullying, a drug using teen, and any kid that considers or chooses suicide, are all at-risk. I know it's terrible what's happening with all these bullies and their victims, but is nobody truly interested in why that youngster is a bully in the first lace? Maybe their life outside of school is a terrible one? As opposed to reacting to these kids like they are monsters, or like they are aware of why they do these things, why don't we try to asses what's going on for that child and try rescuing them as well as their victims.

Throughout my work with at-risk youth, and being a survivor myself, I have witnessed an enormous amount of misplaced anger and emotions. If these kids don't have the ability to process and deal with these emotions, how can we hold them fully accountable for their actions which are based on those emotions!?

I encourage you to comment and share your thoughts!

Incredible quote, thanks Dad!

2011-11-22T11:01:00.000-08:00

Charles R. Swindoll:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Good lesson on Bullying

2011-11-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

A teacher in Newfoundland was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take out a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now, even though t...hey said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry, but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home!!

The Bullying Saga

2011-10-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

The stories are popping up everywhere, it's becoming common place. Recently Rick Mercer ranted about bullying, Lady Gaga, Anderson Cooper, President Obama, and even Big Bird have taken up the fight, but is it enough? I remember bullying being a major problem when I was in school, the difference was not many kids were killing themselves over it for whatever reason. Today it's definitely changed, and the teen suicide rate is ridiculous. How can so many kids be falling though the cracks?

We must be missing something, do we not care enough, is that it? Why is it so difficult for us to hold these bullies accountable for their actions? Can we not have more teachers or school staff patrolling the school grounds? If we don't grab the bull by the horns how do we expect these issues to go away?

I suggest we create a campaign where nobody supports the bully, and there is no way that we accept this individual in society. So often it's the popular kids who do a lot of the bullying, why as adults can we not take that popularity away? If you are a bully, you don't get to participate in anything social at school, and the punishment should be humbling and embarrassing so that the individual can fully understand the impact of their actions. Regardless we need to stop talking about it and become more actively involved.

Hoops for Hopes

2011-10-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a moment to express how thankful and overwhelmed I am with the incredible turnout and support this event received. Michie Mee, Divine Brown, Mark Strong, and so many more made this an awesome event! Thanks to all the attendees, volunteers, participants and organizers! Special mention to Enza and Effie, Youth Assisting Youth, and Sparoways Community Group, you all did amazing. It's great to see what a little time and effort can accomplish! Next year should be even better! Way to go Red team, I knew we could do it! I could always use your continued support and assistance. Come visit me at www.joshuastern.ca and continue to lend a hand!

Quick thought

2011-10-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

As I headed to my weekly therapy session with my father something dawned on me and I wanted your opinions. I started to analyze many of the relationships I have with family members and friends, and it became clear how often someone else's opinion of that person could ultimately lead to me judging them based on nothing but others words. The question I ask is simple, if you had someone that you were not particularly a fan of, would you tell someone else that didnt know that individual how you feel about them? Should you tell them that guy is an ass, or should you mention that the 2 of you have struggled to see eye to eye, or that you don't share many things in common? Which do you think would be more appropriate and hopefully lead to less judgement. The point I make is this, maybe if we all tried to not hold everyone so accountable for every action they make, we may just have a more understanding society. Imagine where that could lead!? Please share your thoughts or experiences in this matter.

Where do the Youth go next?

2011-09-28T06:48:00.000-07:00

I read this article this morning and decided to quickly vent.

http://ca.finance.yahoo.com/news/Youth-unemployment-risk-capress-1650399567.html?x=0

What are we thinking about? If we keep cutting education, cutting jobs, and cutting programs for at risk youth how will anything change? Obviously if kids believe their future to be bleak, why bother with school or anything! If all the media likes to portray is the end of the world in 2012 and pain, suffering and misery, then should we really be surprised why kids are so disengaged? It's almost as if the powers that be truly want our society to fall apart. How do you bring down a society without war, you make the future generations useless and dreamless!?

Without youth to fight for change and to lead us into the future we don't stand a chance. Maybe if more youth were taught how to work for themselves or become entrepreneurs then the unemployment rate wouldn't look so scary. What if we took more time to communicate with each other we could come up with better ideas as a group! There is always the possibility for change and it comes from within each and every one of us. We must come back together like communities of old and prove that there is strength in numbers and we can make anything happen when we try.

Bullying

2011-09-23T07:33:00.000-07:00

We just keep hearing the same stories over and over again and nothing seems to be working. As a former victim of bullying, and now a parent myself, I have a few thoughts on how to deal with this situation. For starters, we need to communicate more often and with less judgement. If a child comes to us even once and we don't listen or even give it the attention necessary, we can lay the foundation for a youngster that doesn't want to share. Believe it or not, this world is a lot more "real" to the kids then it is for adults. Don't shake your head, it's true. They are not bogged down by all the nonsense and distractions that we as adults are. We have always heard that children are more connected with the universe, so wouldn't their feelings of doubt, despair, and fear be severly heightened versus our own? Maybe if we take that into account, things would be a lot better. Check out these articles just to get an idea of what's going on.

http://www.thespec.com/opinion/article/596741--preventing-bullying-starts-with-the-parent

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/Police-probe-bullying-after-NY-teen-s-suicide-2183289.php

Hoops for Hopes

2011-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

I wanted to talk to everyone about a very special event that I have been asked to be a part of. Hoops for Hopes is a Celebrity Charity Basketball Event taking place October 16/2011. The goal is to raise $50,000 for at risk youth.

I couldn't think of a better charity to work with as I obviously believe the youth are the most important. I am looking for any corporate sponsors or assistance in collecting as much money as I possibly can for this event and cause. If any of you would be willing, or know of an individual or company that would be willing to assist me and this great cause I would be extremely grateful. This is a huge event with media coverage so its a win win situation for all who participate. On a personal note, any support you could offer me, which will in turn add to my spotlight, can only assist me in all future endeavors, most importantly Marion's Place.

Please take the time to go to Facebook and join the Hoops for Hopes page. Anything you could do would be incredible, and just think of that youngsters face when he or she finds out they get to go to a day camp next year because you donated something!

Let's all do our part!

Another tragic death: How can parents/schools stop bullying?

2011-09-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

Another tragic death: How can parents/schools stop bullying?

As I was just preparing to write a piece on the struggles many may face with the start of another school year, I happened to stumble upon this and I wanted to share it with you. I also am going to ask that anyone who is facing similar struggles, or different ones as well, to please share them as often as possible. The more we all talk about our issues, fears, and so on, we demystify the subject and we lay the foundation for change. I am sure there are many of you out there who are concerned with bullying, sexuality, pressure from teachers & parents, fitting in, and many other issues that students face. I would love to assist you in overcoming some of these feelings as I dealt with them first hand and still do to this day.

Please pass this article along, and let's try to make a difference one person at a time! I know I didn't enjoy hiding in lockers so certain guys couldn't find me to hand me my daily beatings.

Chasing your Dreams

2011-09-14T06:39:00.000-07:00

That was definitely a well needed break! I had my 35th birthday, my son and wife have gone back to school, and things were about to get back to normal.

Unfortunately for me, normal is very relative. We had a bit of a hiccup recently when a friend was in need of desperate help and all others had essentially turned their backs on him due to his destructive behaviour. Even my wife was very skeptical because we have reached out to him many times and he has consistently let us down.

I felt different this time around and I personally wanted to put some of my new found knowledge to the test. Here I am promoting my book, how we can help others, and especially at risk youth and what they become when their youth has past, and now I have the ability to try it with a 24 year old who has been down a dark path for the better part of 12 years. By bad path I am referring to him being an addict and substance abuser, a young man who is riddled with depression and thoughts of hopelessness, and a very angry and destructive individual without much respect for himself or anyone else.

I decided against my wife's advice to bring him home with us once more. I spent all night talking with him, until 3am, and the headway I made was incredible. 4 days later he hasn't touched a drug, he hasn't needed any prescription drugs, and he has been sleeping well. My wife the next day said what did you do, hypnotize him!? The answer is so simple that most of us just dismiss it as drivel. I listened to him all night, I didn't judge him, the tone in my voice never changed, and most importantly I told him I was there for him, I always will be, and he is not alone. Mostly when he had a bad thought or he identified a negative feeling that used to lead him in the wrong direction, all I did was ask him questions that helped him connect some dots. The results were incredible and I told him all he had to do was commit to the work and the results would follow. Nothing is easy, nothing is a quick fix, but what I did give him was the ability to realize there is a better way, and he does have a shot. The more we can make people feel that way, the more success we all will have.

Now why did I name this piece Chasing your Dreams?? Well because much in the same way my friend struggles, I see and feel the similarities between us. The dream he has been chasing was that he wanted to wake up every morning and have a purpose and a belief. At this juncture my dream is to get my book published, continue my outreach to today's and yesterdays at risk youth, and continue writing in order to support my dreams of building Marion's Place (A hybrid community centre and parent drop off program) we are working on. Are dreams are at different stages, but the need or desire to achieve them is no different. We all have something burning inside of us, most don't even know it's there anymore. He struggles to achieve his dreams for the same reasons it can be difficult for me. We all have doubts and when we are chasing our personal dreams we must remember that they are our dreams, not the dreams of others. That is a very important part because others perceptions of your dreams will be one of the biggest challenges you face. Understanding that this is YOUR dream and YOURS alone, therefore you are the ONLY one who can make this happen. Get around people who are interested in you achieving your dreams, and try to ignore the one's who can't relate to them or don't agree with them.

Make a plan, map it out, and stick with it!! As long as you remember your path is from A to B, and along the way there will be many, many hurdles and obstacles. It's our duty to remember that regardless of what transpires along the way, we still must get to B or there was no point in ever having a plan or dream in the first place.

Break time

2011-08-29T05:56:00.003-07:00

I wanted to wish everyone a happy end of summer and Labour day weekend. I have enjoyed my short family vacation with several birthdays and many cottage visits. Thanks to all for the fun. I will be back to full time writing and working after the weekend!

Enjoy everyone, spend some time with people you care about before another school and work year begin!

Exercises and Methods

2011-08-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

On the heels of my last few blog posts I had one response from a close friend that stood out from the rest. He pointed out that he thinks what we are trying to do is a great thing, and he truly believes/supports the idea that communication, and sharing is a very good start. He wanted to know for the ones who are now adults themselves, how do you put on a happy face everyday, or try to see the positive when its just so hard sometimes. When you carry with you some of these horrible nightmares or pain you have dealt with, how do you keep going. For me unfortunately there is no simple answer.

I think the first step is definitely not expecting that its possible to wake up everyday and feel positive and motivated, etc. We are human, not robots, we will always have off days. If at first we acknowledge the possibility of off days, that is a huge first step. It does not make anyone abnormal or weak to have a day where it is difficult to get going. That is the problem, we have been programmed to believe that flaws, mistakes, and imperfections, equates to there is something wrong with you.

Secondly I know it sounds simple and most just shrug it off, but taking 5 minutes and trying to meditate or some deep heavy breathing, preferably in a dark and quiet room, can help re focus your thoughts. Most importantly I found for me, as soon as I began being true to myself, and focused on improving me by taking the responsibility for every situation I encountered and trying not to blame, I began freeing myself from daily struggles. When you are focused on being a better person, and letting your demons out, you will begin to feel some freedom as well. If we have skeletons, or we are living a lie, or even partial truths, eventually it will take its toll. The worse or more skeletons you have, the harder it may be, but when you allow yourself to not be controlled by the fear of being judged, it can do wonders.

I also would encourage anyone who is looking for answers, solutions, or methods, to prepare a list. On this list you should write who you want to be, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to do it. If you follow these steps for any situation, it definitely couldn't hurt to try, right?? If you literally carry this with you everyday, I keep mine on my iPhone and a copy at home, when you are feeling down, take out your list and hopefully on there it reminds you to stay positive, stay focused, you have a plan and plans take time, don't let others determine your mood, and so on. I promise you just looking at your list will make it easier to get going on those downer days.

Lastly I would like to remind you of what I have been preaching from the very beginning, If you are having one of those days where you don't want to get out of bed, or you just feel like crying or putting your fist through a wall, talk about it!!! Call a friend you trust, reach out to a family member you can confide in, join a group, and if all else fails, find a stranger and just vent. Clearly you'd never care what a random stranger who you've never met would think of you, or would you? This is what I am trying to accomplish with the book, my website, my future relationship with Y.A.Y aka Youth Assisting Youth, I am trying to encourage communication and prevention. If you are alone or have feelings of isolation then you are in a dark place. If you are between the age of 8-25 and you have these feelings the magnitude is far greater, but there is plenty of help and you're anything but alone. I encourage you to contact me through my email at joshua@joshuastern.ca, or through the blog, and I would be happy to chat, or encourage you when you are feeling down. Eventually I would like to have a forum or chat room where we can come and share 24/7, that would be a great start.

Please share any other methods you may have found that worked when you were having an off day!

Topic for Discussion part 2

2011-08-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

After some of the comments and an overwhelming response on a personal level, I wanted to start by thanking everyone for contributing and supporting what I think is a very important subject. I also wanted to agree with the majority and explain that when I asked which scenario was worse, it was more so an attempt to get every ones attention, which appears to have worked. I know there is never a winner in anything negative, but I just wanted to show 3 different scenarios, how these individuals feel now, and how society views the scenario's differently. As I stated, I found it interesting that all 3 participants agreed that the kid coming from money gets almost zero attention or understanding from society because unfortunately the majority believe money is the end all be all, and if you have it there should be no explanation for this kind of behaviour. Guess what, bad people can make lots of money too!

We can all get lost sometimes, and we can all make mistakes, the most important part of my message is that we should try harder to prevent these scenario's from happening, and at such an alarming rate. There is no rule book that says you can't make many mistakes, it's all about what we do once we've realized that we made one. Learning from a mistake is one of the best parts of life, and its one of the most important aspects of growth. What I am trying to say is we shouldn't write so many people off, and so quickly, especially not children! Some people take longer than others to develop, it doesn't make them rejects. A little more understanding and patience could take us a long way.

Topic for Debate

2011-08-16T08:09:00.000-07:00

Recently a couple of friends, a psychological professional, and me, have been debating a certain topic and I was hoping that we could get even more feedback if I blogged about it. As usual I am asking for your comments and thoughts on this subject because the more people that talk about it, the more chance we have to resolve it. The topic we have been debating is as follows: if you took 3 children and they were raised in 3 different environments, which would be the worst, have the most negative outcome, which do we as a society ignore the most/have the most empathy for, or would there be no difference?

 The first child is raised by two parents, but for the most part there is zero communication, and the child feels desperate and alone. The second child is raised by a single parent who literally doesn't have the time, energy or resources to properly care for and raise the child, so naturally the child grows up alone, confused, and probably has to fend for themselves. Lastly, the third child is raised in a 2 parent household, but predominantly by the father, and the father, who is quite successful, as opposed to ignoring the child, belittles him instead, mocks him, puts him down and tells him things such as you'll never amount to anything, or you're worthless. 

Now that you have had a chance to briefly understand these scenarios, which happen to be just a few of many, what is your opinion?  Who has a better chance at overcoming their individual situation? Should one of those kids feel worse than the other, would one have less self esteem than the other?  

Some of the points made were along the lines of:

The child who was completely ignored, yet had both parents around, often felt confused and unsure of what his parents actually thought of him.  When talking to an adult who was raised in this scenario, he mentioned how difficult it was for him to understand if they liked him, hated him, or just didn't care.  He summed it up best by saying, "I literally grew up, and I still ask myself this question, wondering why my parents had me, what was the point, and I must have been an accident"!  This individual specifically commented on how he second guesses many aspects of life, and has a hard time opening up to people, and trusting or confiding in them.  As he grew on his own he got involved with the wrong crowd, experimented with drugs and alcohol, and crime followed shortly.  It took many years of struggles before he was able to identify the loneliness and desperation he felt while growing up, which in turn led to many negative outlets.  He is a strong advocate for communication, and he is adamant that if he had the proper outlets when he was younger, many problems probably could have been avoided.

For our second test subject we had an individual who was raised in a single parent home, with no father. He first expressed sorrow and remorse for his mother, and almost accepted all the aspects of his life because of the bad hand she had been dealt.  His mother worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, and she was basically not around to raise him.  Obviously she also did not have enough money to provide after school care or programs.  This individual spoke largely about the pain he felt inside that was clearly written on his mothers face.  He felt desperate, and he wished he could make it better for her, but he felt like he didn't have the tools.  He talked about having no positive role models, and slowly but surely he started hanging around other single parent or unsupervised kids, and one thing led to another.  An older dealer from the neighborhood took him under his wing, told him if he sold some product he'd be able to help his mother and family, and the rest is history.  He engaged in a life of street crime because it was all he was ever taught.  Nobody was around to teach him anything different.  For years he walked through life as a criminal and majorly hurting individual.  Finally he wanted to stop, and he decided talking about it was the best way.  As he sums it up, "I felt like it was my mom and me against the world, nobody helped us, nobody cared, and many people knew what we were going through, it's not like we are the only ones!"  He has a lot of pent up anger and hurt, mostly because when he was a child he couldn't properly analyze his feelings, and basically we have no clue at that age.  The part that struck me the most was when he described the feeling of how if someone saw him at 13 selling drugs, which was when he started, they would probably discipline him, but also they would teach him why it was wrong, and how it would negatively impact his whole life.  Yet if they saw him again at 19, he would be just a statistic, another criminal that the world wants to lock away, instead of helping him get the resources or the help he needed.

The third individual, who was raised in a fairly normal environment and coming from a successful family, was the victim of failing to live up to his families expectations.  As he describes it, his father had big ideas for his son and they didn't match with his personal ideas.  As soon as this was apparent his father and extended family would mock him and tease him repeatedly.  His father especially would tell him he would never amount to anything, he was worthless, and he would ask him if he wanted the whole world to think he was stupid.  He said it was like he was an embarrassment to the family and especially his father.  "Eventually around 12 or 13, my father just ignored me completely.  For the better part of 3 years prior to that he had no idea what I was doing majority of the time, I only remember dealing with my father on vacations and when I got in trouble."  He also talked about running away several times, or trying to, before the age of 15.  "I hated my father because I was certain he hated me, and it crushed me inside!  He would have battles with a 13 year old and I guess he thought a pre-teen could handle adult type fighting, if that makes sense." During one of the stints running away, he was sexually assaulted several times by a family friend who was not much older than him.  He acknowledges now that the idea of staying at a house and being assaulted like that as payment for a bed as being a reasonable trade off to him in order to stay away from his own home, is a very scary thought.  "I must have been in a pretty dark place." 

By 16 he was sent to live in a group home and obviously he did not encounter the best scenario's there.  While being there he met many criminals and deviants, and one of the social workers sexually assaulted him.  I wonder if that alone would be enough to send a kid into a world of despair, hatred, isolation, I don't know??  

By 19 he was off on his own in Los Angeles and he found all the drama, pain, and crime many could ever deal with including the loss of 2 friends to street violence, an evening or two in county lock up, criminal activities, and the loss of friends to the sex trades and drugs because they were lost souls that weren't as strong as he was, as he described.  All this before the ripe age of 21, what should we expect of this young man, and do you want to lock him up, or do you want to hug him and help him?  He has now written a book on his life, and has dedicated himself to creating more awareness, but most importantly creating prevention, when it comes to dealing with adolescences, pre-teens, teenagers, and young adults who desperately need and want the help.  "Not too many people I ever met on the streets dreamed of being there, it was never as glorious as it looks on TV and in music videos."

In closing, all 3 subjects, who initially each thought they had it the worst, agreed that they all seemed to end up in the same place, even though their beginnings were very different!  Do you know anybody that falls into one of these categories?  What are your thoughts and opinions.  Please continue to share because I truly believe that communication is the first, and biggest step we can take.  By the way, in case you hadn't figured it out yet, the 3rd subject is me!

Depression

2011-08-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

What is depression? The Canadian Mental Health Association describes it like this on the front page of their website:

"Problems and misfortunes are a part of life. Everyone experiences unhappiness, and many people may become depressed temporarily when things don't go as they would like. Experiences of failure commonly result in temporary feelings of worthlessness and self-blame, while personal losses cause feelings of sadness, disappointment and emptiness. Such feelings are normal, and they usually pass after a short time. This is not the case with depressive illness."

They go on to add this:

"Depression becomes an illness, or clinical depression, when the feelings described above are severe, last for several weeks, and begin to interfere with one's work and social life. Depressive illness can change the way a person thinks and behaves, and how his/her body functions."

This is where my issue begins. I don't understand why it is that because an individual takes longer than another individual to get over/deal with, the same tragic event, that makes them depressed. What are we doing when we do this? We are labelling someone. The moment we label someone we hand them this stigma that says, "Hey, there is something wrong with you"! Who in there right minds are going to come forward and share that they have feelings such as the ones depression describes if they know the result is going to be that you are labeled, maybe prescribed a drug of some sort to help, and then people treat you and react to you differently. Doesn't sound like anything I would want to do. What if you had several tragedies take place in your life, wouldn't long term symptoms of depression probably follow you for life? Does this mean there is something wrong with you? No, it doesn't, but in our society today, when we talk about depression, it's a negative which denotes there is something wrong with you! I have news for you, BULLSHIT!! If this is the case, everyone in the world would be suffering from depression, and we should all be prescribed some sort of pill to make it easier. The problem to me is simple, we are a society and a generation that is controlled by fear. The moment you allow fear to take over, you are susceptible to all things negative such as anger, rage, lack of respect, lack of energy, etc. Fear makes it so we don't want to do things and fear makes it so we live a sheltered life and hope to box ourselves in from the realities of the world. If you are part of this world, and you try to ignore what's going on in and around your world, or you try to create your own world, wouldn't that be the first sign of depression!? Do you want to know what I believe the cure to depression is?? It's COMMUNICATION! I know, sounds crazy, but think about it, if we start communicating with kids from a young age, then they in turn gain the ability to learn and process at a very early stage. When we can process that hurt, fear, anger, frustration, and despair are all facets of life, and facets that occur a lot more readily then joy, excitement, happiness, and jubilation, then maybe we will be better prepared to deal with those emotions when they greet us so often! In my case specifically, from a very young age, and we are talking about the age of 4, I have had to deal with many of the harsh realities of life, leading up to the death of my mother almost 5 years ago just a few months after her 56th birthday. I feel like I had this life and these experiences from such a young age in order to prepare me for my adult years. I would not be as confident as I am today if it wasn't for dealing with and overcoming tragedies. Guess what, I still have some of those negative feelings, but it doesn't mean I'm depressed, nor do I let it get me to the point that any emotion has that much control over me. Imagine if someone said you have a disease, everything makes you happy?!?! You must have delusions of grandeur or something, but you are definitely delusional. That is the crazy part to me, no emotion, such as fear, joy, hurt, anger, etc. should be able to consume you, if they do, that is the problem. It also happens to be a problem we are more than capable of solving, and it doesn't include drugs. Since I was in Grade 2 there has been some teacher, principal, coach, and even specialists who have tried to put me on drugs. Thank god for my parents, my family physician, and a couple of psychiatrists on the other side of the fence, I was never given any pills to help. Many people might add that if I had been given pills, then maybe I would have avoided all the years of pain and frustration I experienced, maybe, but then I wouldn't have been living!! Think about that for a second, when you take a pill such as Ritalin or its friend's, you are essentially saying "I can't handle life". I need something to make it easier to cope. I challenge that many children who could potentially end up as depressed adults, if we had programs and people in place to communicate with these individuals constantly and consistently, we would drastically reduce the number of adult depression patients. If a child doesn't feel safe, or isn't encouraged to share their feelings and their thoughts, without fear of how people will judge them, then how are they not going to end up alone and afraid and consumed by their thoughts? Then by the time they become teens or young adults, they have learned how to hide it and deal with it so well because they don't want to be labelled a freak. If it becomes too much for that individual then tragedy strikes in many ways, and we are left to pick up the pieces. Then in turn it becomes us who needs to label that individual with something in order for us to be able to cope. Once again we have made it about us, instead of the victim. We never get the opportunity to hear directly from the victims, only the people that are left in the wake. We all know someone who took anti depressants, and none of us would ever choose to be like those people, zombies! What leads to alcohol and drug abuse, the exact same thing that leads people to Ritalin or prescribed drugs!? What do they do, the same things, they numb the pain!!! I would really like to see a change, and I am going to continue to fight for a change, but a society of numbed people is definitely not a world I want to be a part of. I ask you all to think about it and comment about it, how many times have you felt depressed, how many of you have held on to the death of a loved one longer then a "professional" deems fit!? Did you immediately want to take a pill, or maybe you could look at it as another part of life, and with all the good comes bad too. Take a look around you, how could we have life, and this amazing earth to live on, and all other positively amazing things about our existence without some bad?? Remember this is EARTH, not HEAVEN!! We can overcome fear just like we overcame apartheid, slavery, the holocaust, and other such atrocities. We have the ability to say, I don't need a pill, I'm ready to face whatever this world can dish at me, and when I feel weak, I am going to talk to the people that care about me, and they are going to make me feel better about it because they will tell me we all have feelings like this sometimes, but it's ok everything will work out and most importantly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Could you imagine that world!?

For those Who continue to struggle

2011-08-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

I thought it was time that I spoke to the people who still struggle, for those who still turn to drugs, alcohol, self abuse, self mutilation, and any other crutch in order to survive. It must have been around the time I was 13, and I remember being caught by security guards and police for stealing at a local Sears. I had mostly gotten away with it, and my best friend at the time took the major fall, and never turned me in. I remember when he walked over to my house, and hung his head in complete embarrassment and shame as he was forced to come to my house and apologize to my father for getting me involved in such activities. It made no difference, my father knew I was involved, and nothing anyone could have said would have changed his mind. To my father, me and my best friend were no longer his "boys". From doing everything together, it was as if he had turned his back on the both of us. We weren't even 13, and we get written off, do we not get an opportunity to redeem ourselves?? Are mistakes not human, especially for children?? Shortly afterwards my friend and his family moved away, and I was all alone. I had nobody. My father looked at me with a pain and disgust in his eyes and I could feel it every time he looked my way. He would just shake his head in disappointment and walk away. I was no longer special, in fact, I felt like a nuisance more than anything, now I was a burden and an embarrassment to my father and family. Sadly, my brother revelled in it because for the first time in many years, he had his spotlight back, and it was all to himself. Instead of reaching out to me and helping me up, he would continue to push me down so that he would shine, and I would look like a science experiment gone wrong. Eventually I turned to alcohol and drugs, and it took me over 20 years to understand why. Once I knew why, then I was able to turn it around. Drugs and alcohol became my support team. When I was scared, hurt, alone, I would turn to drugs or booze, and that would make me feel better. Actually it would make me feel almost nothing, which I guess was the goal. Unfortunately you quickly begin to lose yourself as you continue to try to numb yourself. You don't even realize what's happening because your brain just creates this alternative reality where everything is fine as long as you can get your fix. As the years roll by it became increasingly more difficult to even know who the real me was. I left him back when I was 13 and I created a totally different future for myself the minute I did. The drugs and alcohol gave me confidence and no conscious. I was angry and I didn't know why. After all these years I realize now that I created a problem that I now have to deal with for the rest of my life in one face or another. Now that I have recovered, I still wonder everyday if it's me making decisions, or the version of me I created back when I was 13? I still want to turn to drugs or alcohol every now and again, because it's easy, and it was a huge part of my development stage. This is precisely why I am fighting as hard as I can to make a change and to help others. If I had just one person who had reached out and put an arm around me and told me that they understood what I was going through and they were there to help, I think it would have made an enormous difference. Instead of what we all do as a society. We try for a bit, and then we typically write things off, and move on. This is never the attitude we should have with people, and definitely not children. That is why I want to reach out to all the people who struggle, and especially the kids who are just starting to enter that dangerous period in their lives, that there has to be a better way. Enough with worrying what others will think of you. Be honest, and talk to someone, anyone about the issues you face. If you can find some comfort in sharing, and you can see that you are NOT alone, you may not need to turn to drugs, alcohol, or whatever else to feel better. My best friend who left shortly after that stealing incident, I realize now we kept each other safe, confident, and protected. We encouraged each other, and instead of people looking at what we had done as mischief, or just not knowing any better, they immediately were consumed by fear, and all they could think about was that this incident had to be the beginning of bigger and badder things to come!? But why?? It completely back fired, when we were separated, we no longer had the luxury of comforting each other, continuing to encourage each other to do things we didn't think we could, and so on. Oddly enough over the next 20 years we pretty much lived the same lives only separately. We have now reunited, and it has been incredible. I feel safe, and comfortable, and I have had someone I could tell anything to again, and he never judges me, only tries to help. This is what we all need instead of drugs and all that crap. We need to find a safe place, and a safe person, and above all else, NEVER KEEP ANYTHING INSIDE!!! Share how you feel, share what scares you, and anyone who makes you feel bad or any other negative reaction, realize it's not about you, it's about them. Move on, and find someone else. If you tell someone something they cannot fathom, odds are you will never get the response or reaction you are hoping for. People react mostly out of fear these days, and that is why they are negative. If you can't find anyone else to talk to, contact me, and Ill be there. If everyone took more time to try and be available for others, or encourage people to share more often, maybe we could reduce some of these problems before it's too late. I'm positive that if you looked at a picture of an innocent 12 year old, and you knew within a year or two this kid was going to take a major turn for the worse, and end up like a photograph of a 35 year old homeless drug addict or prisoner, you would do everything you could to prevent it. I believe if we take the initiative to understand how quickly someone can fall through the cracks, we would all do more!!

Growth

2011-07-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Everyday I question so many things and I find it makes life very difficult at times. It's hard for me to have a moment of peace or tranquility when there is so much I want to accomplish and so many thoughts running through my mind. I told my wife recently that the reason it looked as if I was struggling to relax on a recent cottage trip, was because for some strange reason I felt that I haven't earned it yet. What I mean by that is I've had many struggles, and many hard times, but there have also been many amazing times and some very relaxing times, therefore at this moment I want to get things done before I re-enter the relaxing faze. I am so driven right now it is unreal, and a couple of the side effects are impatience and doubt. I finally understand what one of my friends told me now. He said the reason I will be successful is because I won't quit, no matter what. It's true, even though I am impatient, and sometimes allow the doubt of others and even myself to creep in from time to time, I have learned how to ignore those negative thoughts, and quickly remind myself of the journey I'm on, and to only remain focused on that. It's quite a remarkable feeling, and as one of my close friends recently commented to me, it's like I have matured 5-10 years in a span of 8-12 months. I am happier, and the fact that I wake everyday and feel like I have something positive and fulfilling to work on is one of the best feelings ever. I almost feel like a child in many ways. My eyes are wide open, my tail is bushy, and I'm ready to learn and explore. Who knew at 35 years old I could feel like this again. I guess maybe an old dog can learn new tricks. Not that I am old, but I have definitely lived, and I have definitely been in more than my fair share of negative routines that I thought I would never escape. Keep that light at the end of your tunnel, please understand that there is always a time for change and growth, and we must continue to reach for these things. It's the secret of life, keep evolving, keep moving forward!

My first Interview in Print

2011-07-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

This morning my interview with the Canadian Jewish News was unveiled in the latest edition. I was extremely anxious and a little nervous to see how it looked, but I mostly felt excitement as I felt confident it would be great. I couldn't be more pleased with the outcome, the writer Riva Gold, did an incredible job, and I'd like to extend my gratitude to her. I also wanted to take a moment and thank all the people who have called, texted, and emailed me with their warm comments, and most importantly their support. As I continue on this journey it has been nothing short of amazing the way things have unfolded for me personally and professionally. I definitely have to give a shout out to my awesome team, Lowell, Leticia, Amed, and everyone at Pollination Media, thank you for all your efforts, especially you Lowell. I can say this, as soon as I decided to erase and ignore as much negativity from my life as possible and only focus on the positive, there has almost been a magical element to my progress. I truly hope I continue to enjoy more positive outcomes with this first venture as I believe it will be the start of big things. I feel stronger more than ever these days and I truly owe it to the therapeutic aspect of writing this book, and the journey that has begun. If there is one thing I could pass on to anyone, it's that you must be able to clearly know what it is you want, and how you would like to get there, believe it or not, for many people this is one of the most difficult steps. Once you can establish what it is you want, and how you'd like to get there, you must focus all the positive energy you can muster into achieving those goals you have set out for yourself. If you can do that, and ignore the negative people and situations that you will undoubtedly face, I believe you will be well on your way.

Magical Connections

2011-06-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

I wanted to switch gears for a moment and comment on an amazing connection I had this weekend with a couple I had never met before. I knew I was in for a great weekend regardless because I had reconnected with my best friend from the time I was 4 until he moved away around the time I was 15, and our parents lost touch. The world works in mysterious ways sometimes, and if you pay close enough attention and start to trust your intuition, you may just find that the Universe sends you signs all the time, usually we miss them. Around the time my mother died was just when my buddy re-appeared, almost from nowhere. It was as if he was sent/drawn back to me, in order to help me during the tough time, and eventually he became one of my biggest supporters and inspirations for writing the book. He even helped save me from losing my family, and for that I am eternally grateful, and I hope I can repay the favour some day. Back to our weekend retreat to his family cottage deep in the wilderness sitting on a beautiful lake. The type of place where you are completely isolated, and taken away from all your worries. No cable, no Internet, just peace. We were having an incredible time bonding and getting to know the parts of each others lives that we had missed. That evening a friend and his wife joined us for a few drinks, and I was instantly drawn to both of these individuals. I can hardly describe the feeling other than it seemed like I had known them forever. As we started to talk, the connections were incredible, and when I explained to them my visions as a child, and the premonition of my mother dying, and the moment she came to me and was inspirational in my writing the book. They responded to me with stories of having connected with a best friend who had passed away, and it sent chills up my spine. Before the woman could tell me the details of her friends demise, I stopped her because I instantly saw in my head exactly what had happened. I asked her if she minded if I shared something with her and she immediately obliged. I told her that her friend would never want her to remember her that way, she would only want her to remember her from all the good times they had. I also explained that the reason her dead friend had come to see her once in a dream, was to tell her that she was okay, and she wanted her to move on. The last thing I told her was that her friend was now her young daughters spirit guide, who at the age of 1 and a 1/2 pointed to a picture of this friend, and told her mom that the girl in the photo was "broken", and she identified her by name! My new friends explained that they had never shown a picture or spoken to their daughter about this friend. As the evening drew to a close I reminded them to stay focused on their goals, and to write out a list of everything they wanted to achieve together, and to stick it on their bathroom mirror so they could see it everyday. I believe if any of us follow this routine, you may be surprised at the outcome if you focus on making that list a reality. When all was said and done, I am convinced that this whole weekend that just passed was one of those moments the Universe throws at you. I very easily could have passed on the trip to the cottage, and who knows how close I really came to not going, but I know that I am glad I did! The experiences I had were unbelievable, and they will continue to push me in the direction I am heading. I urge all of you to take the time and try to remember any moments such as the one's I have described, and maybe we will start to see that it's not so magical after all, and certain things are just meant to be!

Teen Blogger shares 2nd blog

2011-06-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

I remember being a kid, the one thing I will never forget about my "childhood", is having to take on the role of an adult.

I was always late for school because I had to walk my sister to her school, and I was consistently missing days when she was sick. My daily routine consisted of making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cleaning everything, walking the dogs, bathing my sister and putting her to bed. Honestly my 5 year old sister was probably the only thing keeping me sane after our mother left.

At that point in time, my dad was a lost cause. He would lock himself in his room every night, he’d be too fucked up to move, let alone, be a father. I don’t even want to begin to think what would have happened to her if I wasn't around... Thank God for being able to be stable and assiduous... given the circumstances.

Two years had passed since my mom had left. At last my dad was starting to go out to meet new people. One night, he had met someone... and that was all it took. From that point on, my life had spiraled for the worst.

I had so much hate towards this girl for even thinking she could just walk in and take my place. I couldn’t believe that after everything I did to keep the family together, my dad was able to push me away. After mentally, physically and emotionally abusing me, all I gave him was forgiveness, and this is how he repaid me? I'm your daughter! I saved your other daughters life from years of depression, and questions that not one of us could have answered. How could that not mean anything to you?

I understand I may have been atrabilious sometimes... but is that any reason to hurt me? I had always said I would never be like my mother...I would never touch drugs or party. Ha.

But that didn’t last too long, after my dad’s new girlfriend moved into our house. Since I wasn't use to not being able to care for my sister, and not having her around all the time, it messed with my head; not to mention how very hard it was to get used to. She had always been there for me.

I was so tired of being trapped with these thoughts about my mom, and the hate I had built up inside of me. So I finally said screw it, and did what any young girl craving for attention would do. I put on those revealing clothes, and sure enough, I got the attention I craved. Before I knew it, I was so caught up in the drugs and partying all night and sleeping all day that I didn't know who I was anymore. At the time though I don’t think I really cared. I couldn't feel pain. It was great.

At the age of 16, I had already been to strip clubs, bars, after hour bars, clubs, hotel parties; you name it, I’ve probably done it. I loved my life again. But not too long after, the drugs had started taking their toll on me. I started getting depressed, started looking down on myself, and lost all the self-respect I had for myself. I needed help, but had no one to help me. I had no real friends. I never realized that until I needed help and no one was to be found. I felt helpless.

Luckily I had met someone who actually cared about me. I would just like to add that when you've been doing drugs for a while, it’s not that easy to just stop. Trust me when I say... it’s easier said than done.

Regardless of the situation, he stuck by my side. He helped me threw everything and help me accept my so called “childhood”. After meeting this guy I started to realize that. I don’t need the drugs and the liquor to have fun and live my life, and I especially don’t need to wear revealing clothes to get noticed. It was the wrong kind of attention. I had also realized that I shouldn’t care what people think of me because I AM pretty on the inside and out and I do have an amazing personality. All it takes is to believe in yourself, no matter your appearance or your flaws. No one can love you if you can’t love yourself."

Vancouver Riots, Part 2

2011-06-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

I wanted to say how excited and overjoyed I was when I received a lot of response, personally, about my first blog about the Vancouver Riots, and even more so when I witnessed the incredible rising of the true Vancouver citizens who took their city back within 12 hours of the pathetic display of a few misguided, and probably drunk rebel morons, combined with the "herd mentality"!! How great it is to see that the people stood up and said, "This is not okay, this is not the way we live or represent ourselves, so we will do the only thing we can, fix it!" I was reminded of my time spent in Israel, and one of the aspects of the Jewish people in Israel that we hardly hear about, via our North American media outlets, which is that immediately after a suicide bombing, the residents do everything they can, and as quick as they can to resume life the way it was previously. For example, if a cafe in Jerusalem was the scene of a suicide bombing, they would clean up the streets, and do everything in their power to be sitting and drinking coffee in that same establishment by the end of the day if possible! When I inquired about this it was explained to me rather simply; "We must do everything in our power to show these animals and terrorists that no matter what they do to kill our people, they will never kill our pride and we must make them see that life goes on, and as quickly as possible." "To make it seem as if nothing had ever happened." Sounds to me like ignoring the kid who picks on you and eventually he will find someone else to bother!? Please continue to speak out and please continue to strive to make your world a better place to live. Then and only then will you truly feel euphoric.

Vancouver Riots

2011-06-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

I wanted to comment on the events that transpired yesterday evening after Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup to Boston. Apparently some very disturbed individuals decided that rioting and destruction were the best ways to garner attention. Before we all throw the proverbial book at these troubled people, mostly youth & teenagers from what the news is reporting, I'd like to take a second and ask any of you if we could have seen this coming? Vancouver in recent years has become a breeding ground and a hotbed for crime, drugs, youth homelessness, gangs, and so on, and what are we doing about it?

Is it so hard to imagine for even a split second that the 17 year old you look at today with a tattoo, a nose ring, a green Mohawk, and leather pants, and all you see is a criminal or very disturbed individual, well why can't you imagine what that child appeared like a mere 4 years prior when he was 13? I bet if you saw that image you would have a very different opinion. If you actually browsed some of the pictures of the violators you would have noticed that they looked more like the kid next door than the description I just provided. We are all so willing to just sweep things under the rug, and pretend nothing is happening until it hits close to home. Maybe these kids, because that's all they are, are really misguided. Maybe instead of asking them what's wrong with them in an accusatory tone, we try to ask them if they need help!? I mean if something was wrong, you'd want help, wouldn't you? Instead of approaching these people with such hatred and animosity, and I'm sure as kids none of you perfect adults ever succumbed to peer pressure and did something you shouldn't have, maybe we could approach them with a little love, compassion, and understanding.

You wouldn't call a dog a hoodlum if you cornered it in a room, and were sticking a finger close to its face while telling it how useless, dumb and worthless it is in a loud aggressive tone, and the only way it knew to respond was with snarling, barking, and possibly a bite, would you blame the animal? If that same 17 year old who lit a car on fire last night because he is alone, hurting, confused, and very lost, was sexually abused at 13 and lived with an abusive step father until he ran away to live on the streets at 16 for his own safety, would you still have such anger towards him, or would you feel compassion and want to help? Enough is enough, let's take responsibility for our own actions, we are all part of society until we move away to the mountain tops and ignore everything, so until that happens, if you have a neighbour or a relative or an acquaintance that is hurting, or in need of attention, it is OUR DUTY, to do everything we can to help!

One leads to 100 which leads to 1000, and so on. If we continue to ignore these major issues, we will find ourselves living in Anarchy. These are the people who are eventually supposed to take over our society and help take it to the next generation? I'd say we are in big trouble if we ignore that 17 year old and all his issues, and we will see how he turns out all by himself, living on the streets or close to it, with no assistance other than from other kids in his situation, when he reaches the age of 25-30 do we actually believe that he will be okay, and a positive member of society, or maybe by then it's too late!?
I implore everyone to search your soul, and ask yourself if you could do more, then ask yourself if you would condemn a 17 year old who riots, or would you want to give them a hug and ask how you can help??

An Important Reminder!!!

2011-06-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Someone sent me this amazing story and so I am sharing it with all of you, please pay close attention to the message, it will literally take less than 5 minutes, but it's impact will be everlasting!

THIS IS NO GUFF, check out http://www.socwork.net/2006/1/historicalportraits/wieler or google her name.
Subject: FW: WW II - Let us never forget

                              Look at this lady - Let us never forget!

The world hasn't just become wicked...it' s always been wicked. The prize doesn't always go to the most deserving.

Irena Sendler

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena.

During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.

She had an 'ulterior motive'.

She KNEW (being German).
What the Nazi's plans were for the Jews

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carriedand she also carried a burlap sack in the back of her truck ,(for larger kids).

She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto.

The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.

During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save a combination of 2,500 kids/infants.

She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely.

Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.

After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family.

Most had been gassed. For those kids,she helped get placed into foster family homes or adopted.

Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize.

She was not selected.

President Obama won one year before becoming President for his work as a community organizer for ACORN
And
Al Gore won also --- for a slide show on Global Warming.

< font color="black" size="5">

In MEMORIAM - 63 YEARS LATER

Please read the little cartoon carefully, it's powerful.

Then read the comments at the end.

I'm doing my small part by forwarding this message.

I hope you'll consider doing the same..

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.

This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , and others, claiming the HOLOCAUST to be 'a myth'.

It's imperative to make sure the world never forgets, because there are others who would like to do it again.

This e-mail is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide!

Join us and be a link in the memorial chain and help us distribute it around the world..

Please send this e-mail to people you know and ask them to continue the memorial chain.

Please don't just delete it.

It will only take you a minute to pass this along..

Thanks!

Thoughts for today

2011-06-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to start by thanking my first guest blogger. It is very brave and special of you to share your experiences and deepest feelings with the Internet community. I am truly looking forward to the next 2 posts for the month of June, and I'm also excited for the next guest blogger to join us for July. I want to continue to ask each and everyone to reach out to us and contribute to the movement. The more voices we have, the greater the opportunities for us to do special things and make a difference with people who are currently struggling with any type of issue. On a personal note, I find myself pondering the thought of redemption. I know it's possible with celebrities, politicians, and athletes, but its not as easy in the real word. Have you ever noticed that? Michael Vick, he has redeemed himself, and he even won comeback player of the year in the NFL, Martha Stewart & Robert Downey Jr they have both been forgiven and are even more successful now! I have not had the same good fortune thus far, but I'm hoping through my writing and my goals, I will achieve redemption. For me it seems that everyone still views me as a criminal, or trouble maker, or a dreamer, and that I could never really be taken seriously until I achieve a certain level of success on my own, then maybe people can look at me and say, "finally, he's done it!". But unfortunately for me I feel like I have been doing it for years, and really it hasn't gotten me very far. The problem was I put the emphasis on insignificant things as opposed to self accomplishment and growth. I have been redeeming myself for almost 10 years, I only began to realize it less than a year ago! Think about that one for next time, because maybe its the way you view yourself that's holding you back, and not the views of others!

Recent Events

2011-06-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

I was reading some local news stories when a specific one caught my attention. It was the story of Garfield & Shakeil Boothe. Garfield is a Jamaican living in Canada, and within the last 2 years or so he found out he was going to be able to have his son come to Canada, Brampton to be specific, in order to live with him and have opportunities that he could never have if Shakeil remained in Jamaica. Garfield was overjoyed as he told neighbours and co-workers of the wonderful news, and how excited he was for Shakeil to have this incredible opportunity. So why is it that now I am reading about the 10 year old boy who was found dead in his fathers home, and why does it have to be Garfield and Shakeil, what could have happened? That's just it, nobody really knows, and that is a major issue for me. It has been reported as of May 31/2011 that so far the only charge laid is "failing to provide necessities of life", and that it is possibly a beating related death!? It has also been reported that several neighbours used to see him outside, but hadn't for over a month and that was odd to them?? The local school Shakeil attended the previous year, Hanover Road Public School, well this year the 10 year old was not enrolled or attending classes?? So this is my problem, once again, why do we all sit around doing nothing until it hits close enough to home? Why wouldn't these neighbours inquire as to why this once active, bike riding boy, was no longer being seen outside? If they reported that it was peculiar, how come they didn't act on these feelings? If I noticed your child engaging in out of the norm type activities, hanging out with the wrong crowd, or engaging in destructive behaviour, wouldn't you want me as a neighbour to inquire with you, or am I being nosey now? What about the teachers and faculty at the school? Was nobody interested in where Shakeil went? Not one teacher was concerned? Did they wonder even if he had been transferred, or moved out of the area, why would nobody try to contact the parent, it's not like Shakeil had graduated!? It's just like when we hear that if you are a woman being attacked and you need help, never yell help, you're instructed to yell Fire!? Why is that, because people won't come running if they hear help, but if they hear fire, there is a much better chance that people will come running. People are so consumed with their own lives that we don't even care to notice what's right in front of our face. I guarantee you that 25 years ago, every neighbour, and every teacher would have inquired about Shakeil. Now we live in apartment buildings and we don't even talk to or know the people who's front door is less than 15 feet away, and we don't seem to care. We won't help someone who screams help because we are to afraid to get hurt ourselves?? Do you know where that type of mentality leads you? It leaves us weak and easily defeated as a society, or neighbourhood. If Shakeil and Garfield's neighbourhood was a little closer knit, would this still happen? I remember the streets where I grew up, and every parent for 2 streets at least, new all the kids in the neighbourhood, and if I even fell and scrapped my knee, another parent would come out and tend to me, or get me a drink. I think it was referred to as a community! We have so few of them anymore. Neighbourhood BBQ's, I don't see them anymore. I think as I've stated before, if we looked at every kid we saw playing on our own street as if they could be our own child, maybe then situations like Shakeil can be avoided in the future. What do you think? Please leave comments and thoughts!

Guest Blogger #1, Anonymous female

2011-06-03T07:07:00.000-07:00

This is our very first guest blogger and post, please let's spread the word and let everyone know that there is a safe place to share, discuss, and comment, on our own feelings, experiences, and tragedies.

Sitting infront of my house, I lit up a smoke and let the drag pull my head back up against the brick wall.

Time goes by and I watch everything pass by in this bland boring city, with its dull colours in the night,

and even more monotonous people.

I sunk into the lawn chair, alone in all my thoughts.

I was feeling very bored and despondent, as time passed by.

Lately the side effects of the drugs I use, to numb the pain, have been very dejected.

There seems to be some kind of burden that comes along with the feeling.

I couldn't help but let a couple tears fall down my face,

Despite the fact that he ran through my mind all day,

I felt so pathetic for getting myself in this position.

He shouldn't be on my mind..

but everything I saw or heard reminded me of every piece of him so contagiously

Forsaken by limbs I walk back into my house.

As my phone rings I snap out of thought,

it was him. I pull myself together and answer, I hear his voice

and I cant help but to quietly sob.

Threw these tears I manage to choke out a sentance,

"Call me pathetic, call me what you will, just please don’t leave. I need you like I need a drug.”

That sounds desperate, I must be losing it. You see how the words work? They betray your mouth and walk away.

“You’re so medicated. Don't get carried away feeling sorry for yourself. Can’t you just stop; you do this to yourself.

It takes more than chemicals to live it up.”

He couldn’t help but tell the truth in a distasteful manner,

I hated when I knew he was right, I felt so helpless.

I couldn't think anymore, his words ringing in my ear like a misquito you cant get rid of.

He seems so indecisive with what he wants from me, he never seems happy with us.

"If this is what you want to be, then get used to being without me,” he inevitably continued,

“it’s your choice: me or what you put deep beneath your skin.

I knew he was going to make me choose. He's always been that predictable.

Than again could you blame him?

I didn’t know whether I should get annoyed with his predictable behaviour, or upset about the fact that he's upset and disappointed.

As I sit on my bedroom floor lost in thoughts, I fainty hear his voice again,

“That’s what I thought.” He said, “One of the hardest things in the world is realizing that when I said 'I love you more,' I was right, and I’m still choking on my words.”

Something to think about

2011-06-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

As the dust begins to settle on what will eventually be known as my first TV interview ever, I feel a complete divide about it. On the one hand, what an amazing opportunity, it was fun and exciting, it was a learning experience, and come on, how many people actually get the chance to go on TV and talk about their personal project, very cool! But I also feel like I barely had enough time to even touch on the greatness of this endeavour, I was a little nervous, and I missed a few key messages that I really wanted to get across, and it leaves me wishing I had another shot immediately. I wanted to start by pointing two things out. First off, the next time you personally decide to downplay someones issues, or addictions, I suggest this, anyone that thinks it's so easy to not be an addict, I suggest you put it to the test. If you know someone who smokes cigarettes or drugs, or they are an alcoholic, ask them to quit and in return you will quit drinking coffee for 1 week and see who wins, I bet the results will be pretty eye opening. Secondly, It is very easy for us to imagine if we were walking down the street and a young woman was being attacked by 2 assailants, the odds are we would all do something to help, but there aren't too many of those situations and so we ignore the dangers that are going on beyond close doors. What I mean is simple, there are even some people that would keep walking and just leave that poor girl to suffer her own fate, but what if that was your daughter, then for sure you would jump in and save her, right? Why is it that things only have significant impact once they hit close to home? Why wouldn't you be just as concerned if your daughter was struggling in school, you didn't spend appropriate amounts of time talking with her about her problems or you don't validate them. Even though you think your daughter is surviving, what if her assailants are wolves in sheep's clothing? Perhaps a man or friend who sees the girl is weak, or hurting decides to be a friend, a confidant. Then the guy introduces the girl to drugs, and before long your little angel who's personal issues you may have not given the proper energy to, is inside a dingy apartment, on the wrong side of town, and she's involved in sexual acts with one or more partners in order to "pay" for her drugs, or just as a way to seek approval from the wrong kind of people. Typically when boys go wrong, they act out with violence, criminal activities, drinking and drugs to impress their new peers, when it's girls, it's typically ALWAYS sex!!! Maybe if we all took a second to think about this, the next time your little boy or girl comes home from school, stop them, make an effort to talk everyday at the same time, say 5pm, for about a half an hour minimum about everything. How their day was, what they enjoy, what they don't, but most importantly, THIS IS ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU, SO MAKE SURE YOU VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS, AND NEVER MAKE IT SO THEY DON'T FEEL SAFE SHARING!!!!

Daily Struggles

2011-05-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

As I continue my journey to salvation, I am reminded daily how difficult a trek this may just be. I began my interview process with Big Brothers & Big Sisters of Canada, and when I was shown some of the photos and files on potential little brothers for me to be paired with, it was very difficult to hold back my emotions. Imagine just looking at a photo of a 10 year old boy or girl and it becomes blatantly obvious the pain and loneliness behind their eyes, and I'm merely looking at an image!? I instantly transported myself to the past and I felt like the uncomfortable and awkward kid I was, with no self esteem, and almost no belief in myself or anyone else. How is it possible that there are so many of these individuals, and they are under the age of 15, and what are we doing about it? Not nearly enough! Everyday I struggle to remain focused on my path, and it is one of the most challenging tasks I have ever undertaken. Trying to stay sober is almost an hourly challenge, trying to avoid a thought process that you have depended on for the last 22 years(even if it is negative and backwards)almost impossible, trying to remain asleep the whole night without waking in a cold sweat, having dreams or visions that are way too real, or just re-visiting a less than tasteful memory, I have no control over that. But what I do have control over is my conscious mind, and even though it would be much easier for me to turn back to an addict and make my living as a criminal, I remind myself that I have a purpose, and I was put on this earth to help, not to destroy. That is something we all posses, the ability to be heroic, or villainous, the choice is ours. If there was one wish I had, it was that people who don't have struggles to the same degree as mine, to try and find a way to understand, not relate, just a little understanding. For example, if your son falls down and scrapes his knee, you might tell him to suck it up, and it's no big deal, but on the other hand, if your son had been sexually assaulted, or had a gun pointed at his head and he actually believed he may die, this is definitely not a situation to tell someone to suck it up, or move on, believe me, I wish it was that simple. It's a life long quest of learning and addressing your issues in order to try and understand them. Post traumatic stress syndrome is very real, and just because you don't understand it, doesn't make it any less real. Please take some time if you know someone like I have described, to truly talk to them about what haunts them, and then do some research on your own and see if there is something you could do to help! We all need help sometimes, wouldn't you like to know it was there for you when you need it, or would you prefer someone to tell you that it's not a big deal, and everyone has problems!?!?! If parents could all listen to the story I tell at 35 years of age, I can almost guarantee that each and every one of them would do whatever they could to ensure the same would not happen to their children. Nobody wants to know or feel what it's like to be a child who fell through the cracks, and then tries to deal with it all as a normal functioning adult and member of society.

Long Weekend

2011-05-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

As the hangover of our first summer long weekend slowly dissipates, I wanted to share some of the overwhelming moments I was fortunate enough to be a part of. My growing friend and business Partner Lowell invited me to a gala event that was being held in order to celebrate the memory and life of his incredible mother Sherona Hall. Here was a woman who clearly defined her life's purpose as helping others. She prided herself on being a voice for those without one, and she faught for strangers as if they were cut from her own cloth. Through the Shesheme Foundation Sherona tirelessly contributed to the betterment of society and its inhabitants. What an amazing feeling it was to see all these people take time out of their own long weekends to celebrate an incredible woman who taught us all what living should truly mean. There was incredible musical performances, great food, and awesome company. While Lowell was giving a moving acceptance speech on behalf of his mother he made a point that I feel needs repeating as it has resonated for me ever since. He said, "Many of us think about being good people, helping others, and contributing to our community and world, and we are very good at thinking these things while we sit on our couch, and even I myself am guilty of this, so I say why don't we actually make an effort, and donate an hour of our time in order to help others, it all starts from within, and I'm starting with me!" I love it Lowell, and as Michael Jackson said, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror", ME!!

Backwards Reality

2011-05-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take a few moments to describe for you what I like to call, Backwards Reality. To me, backwards reality is when we do certain things such as, get married, have kids, choose to go to University, get a good paying job, etc., but we only do them because we believe that is what we are supposed to do according to society!? I am not saying that any of the above mentioned are negative or inappropriate, but maybe for you they are. We don't fit in a one size fits all world, so why are we taught to believe that we do? This next part may shock a few of you, but if you don't want to have kids, don't have them. If you don't want to get married, don't. If you don't believe you need a Home with a 2 car garage, a white picket fence, and 2 upper class cars to determine your level of success or self worth, then you don't! We are always told to strive for our goals, well I propose one better, "You should strive to always continue striving!" It may sound a bit off, but think about it for a second, life is all about changes, learning new things, and never getting stuck in a routine (unless its one we created purposefully, and positively), so why should you stay at the same job your whole life just to continue earning more and more money? If you really want to feel what it's like to live, once you have gotten familiar and proficient at something, try something new. If I strive to become an accountant, and at 30 years of age I achieve it, what do I strive for during the next 30 years? I say become an accountant, and unless its truly what you love to do and you couldn't imagine doing anything else, after 5 years, try something else in the financial industry, or take a hard left turn and try becoming a Chef if that's something you yearn to try. Every time you achieve one thing you strive for, there has to be another goal or else life becomes mundane. We should never stop trying to learn, and we should embrace the unknown. Fear is a good thing, it enables us to make sound decisions, use your fear for positivity and you'll be amazed by the outcome! We are all aware that it's fear which hinders us, think about it, why didn't you try that new restaurant, because you feared you wouldn't like it or it couldn't be as good as your usual spot!? Why didn't you go golfing with your buddies, because you were afraid you'd be no good or you thought you'd embarrass yourself? My message to all is simple, continue to grow, continue to learn, continue to strive for greatness, and try to acknowledge that it's fear that stops you from trying many things you would normally try. Why do we all look at children with such awe and jealousy? It's not only because they are so cute, innocent, and youthful, although that's what we'd like to believe. The truth is we remember what it was like to be bright eyed and bushy tailed, we can tell how children are not afraid to try anything until we make them afraid. Children have the ability to not let distraction and doubt set in, and if they want it, they believe they can get it, well guess what, so can you as an adult. The secret is, you have to believe it. Could you actually imagine what a plain world we'd live in if every time a flower blossomed it decided it had plateaued and therefore would never blossom again?

Youth and Abuse Month

2011-05-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

Over the next several months all over the globe there are several different youth events including Youth Day in Toronto on June 24th. May is also Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and both of these topics are very important issues. Especially these days with such an enormous population, and so many different ways for kids to make a wrong turn, we really need to shift our focus to the youths and remember that one day they will be the ones we count on to run our world. We talk about terrorism, natural disasters, economic struggles, bank industry thieves, and corrupt governments, but we don't hear nearly enough about the kids. We live in a time where babies are continuing to be born at a rapid pace, and there are no signs of it slowing down. Think about it like this; for the families that are struggling to stay above water, which seem to be the majority, what this means is that typically mom and dad are working a hell of a lot more than in the past just to make ends meet. The reports have already shown that in North America the time where 1 parent could be a stay at home caregiver is just not the case anymore. This leads to more time where young kids are unsupervised. That's if both parents stick around. In the world we live today the reality is most families are not staying together, putting even more financial burden on the primary caregiver. Again this leads to more time for kids to be unsupervised, and I'm sorry, but even if you raised the best child in the world, if you don't have the money to enroll them in extracurricular activities, live in the best areas, or have a nanny or after school sitter, your child, with a lack of supervision, will find trouble. We need to fight for more after school programs, more community centres, more outreach programs that help keep these kids occupied and on the right path to future success. How can a struggling family afford to enroll kids in the programs we have today? It will cost well over $350 to play 2 sports, and that's just one child. Swim class, there's another $100 every 4-5 months, and what about daycare? We must raise more money for free or low cost programs and assistance. I came from a great place, and for many years I found a way to slip through the cracks, it lead to a lifetime of difficulties, hard choices, and way too many moments that I wish I never experienced. If we can keep just one kid from ending up in jail, in a gang, homeless, or dead, then we are already winning the battle. Let your local MP know, start a Blog, donate some time at a local school, whatever it takes, we have to keep are children active, stimulated, and protected, because the alternatives are not appealing. Please let me know your thoughts, and I urge you to comment with suggestions of your own on how we can make things better for our children. I know being a father of a 3 and 1/2 year old boy, that I would die a thousand deaths before I ever let him experience half of what I did.

Food for thought

2011-05-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

Firstly I wanted to thank everyone for their support, it is greatly appreciated, and hopefully it continues. Please take the time to sign up, comment, and follow the blog as there is definitely strength in numbers. All of you will not be forgotten for your efforts!

I wanted to first speak about a phenomenon I am struggling to wrap my head around. Many people who have read excerpts have many positive things to say, unfortunately my family has not been as supportive with the exception of a few individuals. I wonder if I am alone when I try to rationalize why my own family wouldn't be in a position to offer more. Rather than get in to a long analysis, I prefer to look at it this way. If I have difficulty getting my own family to sign up, comment on blogs, or pass it on to friends, how could I expect to get Joe Schmo to do any of those things? These things I just listed go hand in hand with a major premise of my book, "The 3 D's". The 3 D's are Doubt, Distraction, and Deception! These are 3 things that are major roadblocks for anyone to overcome when we set our minds to something, or we want to achieve something that the majority of people believe is unattainable or impossible. To this I will only state the following; If YOU have goals, and dreams, regardless of what they are, the 3 D's will rear their ugly heads as often as possible, and it is your responsibility to IGNORE them! Doubt, Deception, and Distractions are major hurdles, and they are always there. You will receive doubt from almost everyone you tell your idea to, you will also receive deception from these same individuals because the fact that they themselves have never attempted to achieve greatness makes it extremely difficult for them to believe anyone else could, and lastly distractions, these will come from everywhere and everyone, and these distractions coupled by the first two will make it appear almost impossible. You have been dealing with the 3 D's for probably the majority of your life, and you may not have even realized the impact they have. It's time to look at the 3 D's for what they are, WORDS!! I will not be affected or deterred by words, or negativity, or a lack in belief from anyone. We alone have the power to achieve anything and everything we want, do you think singers like American Idol's Susan Boyle faced a lot of support as she tried to become a singer, doubtful! How many people do you think told Danny Devito that an acting career was definitely in the cards for him. Lastly, what about Spud Webb, Earl Boykins and Mugsy Bogues, three individuals that were 5 foot 7, 5 foot 5, and 5 foot 3 respectively, and they all made it to the NBA, do you think they had to overcome the 3 D's? Not to mention the first 2 guys on that list can slam dunk! Hopefully the message I make is clear! Be determined, and don't let anyone or anything get in your way, because at the end of the day if you are only trying to accomplish positivity, eventually with perseverance, you'll get there!!

Mother's Day Thoughts

2011-05-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

As the buzz of The Mother's Day weekend comes to an end, I wanted to share some thoughts. I hope everyone that is a Mother, or, has a mother, can truly appreciate how lucky and blessed you truly are. For there are many of us out here who no longer have that luxury and instead of the tremendous joy this day typically brings, for us it's a tad different. The last 5 years since my mother passed I have all but ignored this day. It's not that I don't want to remember the good times, or celebrate her life, it's more a reflection of how I find it uncomfortable when there is such emphasis put on this day, it becomes overwhelming. A mother is an incredible person, unmatched even, and anyone who has dealt with the loss of theirs, knows all to well that you don't and shouldn't need one special day of the year to celebrate these wonderful individuals. I for one wish that everyday I could call my mom and tell her I love her. I wish that just once my 4 year old son could see the grandmother he's never met, and lastly, everytime I see family celebrations or weddings, I wish my mother was still here for that. So my message should hopefully be clear, but if you are one of the fortunate one's who still got to celebrate this weekend, please don't forget how lucky you are, and how important she is. Let's make everyday Mother's Day, and Father's Day, and children's day. For the more that we celebrate eachother, and the more that we appreciate their company and efforts, the better off we will all be!!

Final Excerpt from my upcoming book

2011-05-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

This specific section is from pages 99-102

“Knock, knock”, there it is, the sound I had been waiting for so I could go back to my movie and dinner. As I go to open the door, 3 guys come busting in with guns and Nimo, whose face has been smashed up! “Get to the ground and stare at the wall”, one of the guys shouts while pointing a gun at my face. I obviously complied instantly, while managing to avoid shitting myself!! In the next few moments I sat there contemplating death. I figured there was no reason to leave me alive. All I could think of was my mother, and nothing else! Two of the guys I recognized from a nightclub outing with Matthew, I remember Matthew telling me they were the “higher ups” in his drug ring, and I knew they were aware of that too. They were obviously willing to kill Nemo, as I could hear them threatening him. They were also continuously hitting him in the face with their guns. Then they took bleach powder and rubbed it all over his face and in his mouth. One of them kept shouting, “where is my @$#$ money, I want my money back”! The last part I witnessed was them smashing his shoulder and arm with a bat, and trust me, you never want to listen to the sound of bones smashing under that kind of force. As the sound of sirens approached, the intruders needed a way out of the building. I had a plan, and I figured it was the only way they’d let me live. I told them we will all go to my car, they can put Nimo in my trunk, and I’d bring my dog with to make it look like we were going to the “Dog Park”, which happened to be very close by, and very popular. I felt a little awkward, and I was very scared, but I figure, especially with my past, that Nimo obviously stole from these guys, and I knew Nimo was a low life; I surely was not prepared to die or go to jail, for that guy. We made it down to the underground parking unnoticed and we got into my car as planned. As we made our way to the garage exit, an Officer stopped me. I calmly explained me and my buddies were going to grab a bite to eat and take my dog to the park. With little hesitation he stepped aside and off we went. Around 2 blocks later I made a turn and the guy next to me said, “This is good, stop right here and pop the trunk”! I did exactly as they said, and when they were leaving they said, “We hope to never see you again, under these circumstances”! They took Nimo and walked in one direction, I drove off in the other. Eventually I went back home, where I was greeted by blood in more than enough places, the bleach powder all over the kitchen, and my dinner was ruined! I sat on the couch lit a cigarette and thanked my lucky stars that I was still alive. It seemed like forever when I was sitting in the corner of my apartment, hoping I wouldn’t get killed. I really just tried to focus on my mother’s face, and I continuously told myself that I hadn’t accomplished any of the things I wanted to accomplish in this life, so it can’t be time for me to die!! I didn’t even finish my cigarette when the all too familiar knocking of an Officer startled me. “Whack, Whack, Whack” on the door, like they are trying to break it down, or at the very least get everyone’s attention! Two detectives stood in the entranceway and one asked me if my name was Joshua. He then proceeded to ask me if they could come in, as they had all but let themselves in already regardless of what I was going to say! As the 2 detectives showed me their badges and started talking, it felt a lot more like an interrogation then a victim making his statement to the Police, but that was nothing new for me. At the end of me telling them what happened, they told me I’d be hearing from them again, and if they caught the criminals responsible, I would be testifying in court. When they asked me the all important question, if I knew any of the criminals who entered my home earlier that night, I said no! They walked out and informed me the rest of their team would be collecting evidence for the next few hours. I sat on my balcony for the majority of the evening smoking and contemplating the many outcomes that I was sure to face as things continued to unfold, and why I was so fortunate to have been spared thus far.

Happy Mother's Day!! Final Excerpt from "A Mother's Love...

2011-05-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

This section is from Pages 180-183 of my book.

One afternoon I was heading to the hospital to visit with my mother, but as I arrived at her room the bed was empty and cleaned, I instantly felt weak in the knees and I panicked. I thought she may have died during the night and I was completely unaware. As I paced the cancer ward frantically trying to find her, a nurse who had recognized me approached, and informed me that around 1am that morning my mother had been transferred to the I.C.U. ward at their sister hospital next door. I experienced so many emotions as I sprinted to the other hospital, was this the end, why had nobody informed me, where was my father?!? I entered the I.C.U. ward and immediately started searching for my mother. After a few minutes of panicked wandering I spotted my mother lying in a bed. She looked as frail as I had ever seen her, and it was as if all the life had been sucked out of her. On top of that she was hooked up to several machines including a respirator. I was all alone and I was losing my mind. I turned the corner and fell to the ground crying. As I attempted to wipe away the tears and stand back up I noticed my father heading towards me. If it wasn’t for the fact that I felt some remorse for what my father must have been going through, I’m sure I would have punched him in the face right then and there. I was furious and filled with rage. As he approached I immediately asked him, “What is wrong with you, when did you now mom was transferred, and why wasn’t I immediately notified!?” My slightly emotionless father actually replied with, “It was late, and I didn’t want to disturb you!” I was filled with a rage I have never felt before. “It was late, that’s the best you can come up with!?” I continued to attack, “I had to go to the wrong hospital, think my mother had died, and then I find her like this!?” I couldn’t fathom what my father had done. “Did you actually think this would be a better way for me to find her, why didn’t you call me first thing in the morning?” The onslaught of questions I had left my father speechless. Lastly I looked him square in the eye and said, “Just to be clear, when it comes to my mother’s life, I don’t care what time it is or where you are, you notify me immediately, are we clear?” He may have apologized, but to this day I have no recollection of it. My father told me that we should go check on my mother because he only had a few minutes before he had to leave to play tennis!? I spared him my next rant but I honestly could not believe that there lay his wife, and the mother of his children, hanging on by a thread, and he was going to play tennis. What world was this, who would behave like this, I was baffled and losing my mind. Together, my father and I made our way to my mother’s bed and she was barely conscious. I stood by the foot of her bed and I placed my hand on her ankle as I was preparing to come closer. My mother raised her hand at me and it was clear she was not waving hello. I knew it had a couple of meanings; firstly, it meant stop, don’t come any closer, I won’t let you see me like this, and secondly it meant I love you and goodbye! I then stood there frozen in time as she motioned for my father to come close. She reached for his hand and just gazed in his eye’s for what seemed like an eternity. My father was completely oblivious, and when I recounted this event for him in later years he had zero recollection, but my mother was saying good-bye. With that my father and I left and went our separate ways, It was the last time either of us would see her alive with the exception of a few minutes on the respirator before she passed away later the next day. As we would find out later that week, my aunt was actually the last person to speak to her and even when things were looking very grim and my mother had no chance of recovery, my aunt told her it was okay to “let go”. My mother actually refused and told her and the doctors that if she lost consciousness she wanted to be intubated, which simply meant she wanted to go on a respirator to help her breathe. What a woman, she was a fighter to the very end! The day my mother was pronounced dead I remember sitting in her room with her lifeless body as it is Jewish tradition to remain with the body until it is time for her to be moved to the funeral home. My father and brother were there too and it felt like we were 2 separate groups mourning the same mother and wife. Both of them stood on one side of her body grieving and consoling each other while I stood crying by myself on the other. At one point they put their arms around me and we gave my mother one last group hug. For me it felt like charity and at that very moment I knew I was all alone. The one person who never judged me and always supported me was gone, I felt empty, and a part of me died that day, Aug. 13/2006. About a week or two before my mother passed away I was sitting with her in the hospital and I started writing what would be my final song. As I returned home the night she died, I immediately finished writing the song and I recorded it that same night. I put my pen down that day and I haven’t written another song since.

Excerpt #2 from "A Mother's Love; The Visits That Saved My Life

2011-05-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

This section of the book is from pages 85-86 and it describes the first time I shared with my father premonitions I had about my mother.

In my case things seemed even bleaker, what are the odds or what would the ratio be, of people getting out of a life of crime, being surrounded by doubters and haters and still making it to where I wanted to be, where I believed I was born to be? Fortunately for me, I was making enough money to pay my father rent, and hire an immigration lawyer to help get me back to L.A. One of the plans we devised was to get a student visa, thus leading to a much easier path to the USA. My father as usual was not supportive of my goals, and definitely not of my aspirations to return to L.A., but I was convinced my destiny was connected, and therefore I was going and that was that! My father told me I had to turn over all my money to pay for Acting School, the lawyer, and other expenses, so I agreed. In return, he would give me a bank card to use while I was back in L.A., an account that I suspect was the surplus from my car sale earlier that year. As everything was slowly progressing, it was almost a year until I could attempt to go back to L.A. Just before my 21^st birthday that year, my father and I were arguing about the money from the sale of the car; he was telling me he would hold onto it for safe keeping, and that technically it wasn’t my money. The argument got extremely heated and I yelled, “You never support my dreams, you never think I’m going to fulfil my goals, and then you withhold my money making it impossible for me to obtain them!” My father replied with, “Maybe as soon as you give up some of your ridiculous dreams, and focus on something more secure, then we won’t have so many issues!” I was extremely angry, and I let my hurt and frustrations get the best of me. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is my destiny, why must you always stand in my way as opposed to being my biggest supporter!?” He all but laughed at me and said, “You see nothing, what are you smoking these days, there’s no such thing as psychic powers, or seeing the future, stop being such a child, you sound very stupid when you say things like that!” I had enough, I couldn’t stand him anymore, “Oh, yeah, I can’t see anything, we will see, how about this one, within the next few months you will find out mom has cancer, and she will die before she’s 60!” The words hadn’t even left my mouth by the time I realized the gravity of what I just said! My father looked at me with a hatred I had never seen before, and he lashed out at me, “You are crazy, you’re nuts that must be it, I don’t ever want to hear another word about any of this bullshit ever again!” With that he stormed away, and our relationship had been severely damaged! Almost immediately I had wished for that moment back, I severely crossed the line. Even if they all doubted me, and even if I allowed their doubt to affect my belief, I still had no business sharing that information with my father. I swore I’d never use my abilities to cause pain ever again, and to be truthful, at that point I secretly wished I had no abilities at all. I prayed to wake up feeling normal on a daily basis, I didn’t want to feel special or chosen anymore, and I wanted to feel that whatever I did I would be happy doing it and this burning passion inside would just flicker out.

Recent Visits

2011-05-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share a very recent event that has once again filled me with a sense of joy and confusion all at once. About 8 days ago a family friend passed away from Cancer, and it was all too familiar. Yesterday evening I was planning to head to Toronto with my father and he informed me we would be stopping at his friend Brenda's house to pay our respects to the widow. I had only met Brenda a handful of times, but I felt comfortable going so I agreed. That night before I fell asleep, Brenda's husband visited me and asked me to be sure that I conveyed his message to my father, so that he could inform Brenda. Derek told me that he wanted Brenda to know that he was very sorry for leaving her, that he had never planned or wanted to leave her alone, and that he loved her and missed her very much but he was fine, and everything would be fine for her. The last thing he told me was to let her know that he's always around, and that he wanted her to be happy. I was extremely taken back, but I certainly knew I would be getting that message to Brenda. Today, as I went to meet my father, I thought about the night before. When I told my dad what happened, he agreed to tell her. When we arrived at Brenda's house, a very frail, and pale sweet lady, answered the door. She honestly looked as if life had been sucked right out of her. After a few minutes I decided it would hold more weight if I told Brenda. I gently asked her if she didn't mind me sharing some information. After I explained my own experiences with my mother's passing and the subsequent visits, I went in to what Derek told me. A transformation occurred! I saw joy fill her heart and soul, the colour rushed back to her face, and she instantly lit up! She obviously was brought to tears, but it was clear they were tears of joy. It felt amazing being able to give her even a little bit of peace, and it's an experience I would like to have over and over again. She asked me a few other questions, and she even asked me to repeat 3 times everything Derek had told me. As she walked us out it was clear that I had changed her day, and for this I am eternally grateful. Brenda asked me to keep my "antennas" up, and if there was any other visits, she would love to hear about them. While we made our way to the car, Brenda shouted, "Thank you Josh, you made my day, keep doing what you do!" Hopefully I can continue this kind of work for as long as possible!

Mother's Day Special, an excerpt from my upcoming Book, "A Mother's Love; The visits that saved my life

2011-05-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

This is a section from my upcoming book, Pages 71-73.

So off I went with the police, and I was processed, booked, and placed in a cell. This was not a fun, Hollywood experience; this was one of the scariest moments of my young life. I was ushered into the “phone call cell” whereas opposed to the movies, I didn’t get one phone call, I had a certain amount of time, (I believe it was 10 minutes), to make as many calls as I could. First I called the guy who set me up and I told him he had better make whatever phone calls necessary in order to get me out of there or he might just meet a few of my friends. Obviously I worded it in a way that whoever was listening in to my calls would not be alarmed. Secondly, I called my father, and after I explained what happened, it appeared to me that he was mad that I had called at such a late hour and disturbed him. I wasn’t allowed to speak to my mom, and he told me everything will work out, and if not I should call him back tomorrow!? I honestly think I lost a part of me at that moment. There I was a fresh faced, barely 19 year old kid, sitting in a cell in Los Angeles with nobody to call but my street friends! I felt extremely alone and isolated, but I remember telling myself that as long as I’m still breathing, I’ll be fine! It's very surreal being locked up, I felt like a caged animal on display! No matter how loud or long you yelled, nobody cared or came to see what was wrong, in fact what I received in response was "shut your mouth or I'll give you something to scream about"!! Usually if you were truly unruly, the on duty officers would place a more hardened criminal in your cell to help calm you down! It's kind of like letting a pit-bull off its chain just before a dog fight! All the dog cares about is destroying his opposition and foolishly trying to please his master! In this case, the officers were the masters, and they would trade favours and privileges with their "pit-bull" after a job well done! In my opinion, and I’m not saying it’s all Police Officers, but the majority of the ones my crew or I have had run-ins with, the only difference between them and us is a badge that says they are allowed to carry weapons and use as much force (including lethal) as is necessary, and it’s the officers who typically decide whether or not to abuse this. I lay on my bunk and sat awake all night thinking about my mom, and all the things she’d ever told me! How could someone so special and destined be here, sitting in this cell? Why was everything so difficult for me? I closed my eyes for a second and tried to relax. It was then I heard my mother’s voice without her presence for the first time!! It was so real; I thought I was losing my mind! My mother told me “The road to success is never an easy one, and the one thing you must learn in order to get there is you have to know what it’s like to feel completely alone”! She continued, “You have to be able to depend on you and you alone, and once you figure that out, you’ll see how many people will be there to help”! “Just remember what I’ve always told you, you are destined for greatness, but I never said it would be easy, and I never said it would happen quickly”! I felt a calm come over me like never before, and even though I was shaking my head, asking myself what on earth she was trying to say to me, I knew then like I’ve always known, even when things get tough, everything will work out. My mantra and answer to whenever someone would ask me how I was doing were one in the same, “Still breathing”! I felt as long as I was still breathing I always had a chance, and until someone took that away, I was going to reach my destiny no matter what it took. The hardest part was other than knowing I would make an impact on the world, and be successful, I had no idea what my destiny was. I didn’t sleep that night, but I felt extremely relaxed, almost like I was in meditation or something similar.

What's really "out there"??

2011-04-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like "someone" or "something" is trying to tell you something? A life lesson perhaps, the right decision to make, help with a specific plan?? Some call it sub-conscious, some call it your "spirit guide", me, I'm somewhere in the middle. I am not a fan of being in the middle, in fact, I truly believe there should be black or white, no grey. But I know that I have had many premonitions in my life that have all come true over the years, and I know without a doubt that it felt as if something from out of our realm, was trying to share the thoughts or visions I was experiencing. After my mother passed away, I felt these things more often and with greater clarity. I also attributed these "visits", where I would receive warnings, or directions, which I have written down over the years for future evidence more so for my family than me, and the most intense part of a visit would be a full on "viewing" of events that are surely to unfold at some time in the future, to her. I believed my mother was "talking" to me, and guiding me. I would write down the events and instructions that took place at most of these "visits", and as they came true, I would tick them off as if they were items on my grocery list. I have shared many of them in my new book, "A Mothers Love; The visits that saved my life." I am just in the editing process and I am trying to secure a publishing deal before I go at it myself! I'd love to hear about any one's experiences such as the ones I have described. Stay tuned and enjoy your Sunday!

Movie Day

2011-03-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

As a buddy of mine and I just left the Rainbow Cinema @ Market square, Jarvis and Front location, I am consistently enamored with the many varieties of people this world has to offer! We also spent some time at the St. Lawrence Market and it was incredible! I haven't been there in over 20 years and it brought back memories of my brother and I being taken there on early morning weekend days with our dad! I truly enjoyed the memories and being reminded of a time where life seemed much simpler! As I prepare to publish my first book I am truly disappointed with how few people are actually supportive! When we are young, everyone tells us that our future is limitless and we can do whatever we want, why is it that when we get older we are met with a more negative response to our dreams and goals? I believe it's due to the fact that as we age we are faced with more and more disappointments, and the harsh realities of life! Sounds like we are already dead to me! All I know is that as long as I am breathing and capable of creation, I will never stop trying to achieve the goals I have set for myself, and neither should you!

A Mother's Love

2011-03-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

It took me many years of memories, but barely 8 weeks of writing, to complete my first book. The true story of my life and the love of my mother from beyond the grave, who saved it. We spend so much time focusing on all the negativity in life, something I was extremely proficient in, and with my book I hope to spread the word that there is another way, a much better way. Stay tuned for further posts and the unveiling of my first book entitled "A Mother's Love"